“True Believer”

I have been a fanatic, a “True Believer” in a few movements. The first time I experienced anything like it was when I was an alter boy. I really wanted to be a Good Catholic and worked hard at it until I realized that everything changed with Vatican II and I wondered, “Is this the faith? One Friday eating fish is a sin and the next one it is ok? What about all the penance I made? It seemed like a game to me.

The next time I experienced being fanatical was during the late 70’s and early 80’s when I was involved in the Human Potential movement. I worked for Lifespring, which was like EST. I was a trainer and corporate development guy. I was the driver behind opening 9 of their cities around the U.S. And I can remember the sacrifices I made for “the work!” Some of the things I said and did to be sure that people could have the opportunity for personal transformation are now just hallow and in hindsight so self-serving. Though at the time, I was convinced of their veracity!
And then, I became a “true believer” in Christ, a born again Christian.

I started enrolling for Jesus. It was Lifespring all over again, but hey this time I had Jesus on my team! After alienating some of my dearest friends and family I started to ask some questions and from there I began to realize that maybe, just maybe things aren’t the way I think they are and I am not who I think I am being.Then along came the Emergent Church Movement and I found that same sense of wanting to be involved as I had with all the others. Only this time I began to ask myself what is going on with me? What is it I am searching for? What is opening up for me in this question is best described by Blaise Pascal:

“Man would fain be great and sees that he is little; would fain be happy and sees that he is miserable; would fain be perfect and sees that he is full of imperfections; would fain to be the object of the love and esteem of men, and sees that his faults merit only their aversion and contempt. The embarrassment wherein he finds himself produces in him the most unjust and criminal passions imaginable, for he conceives a mortal hatred against that truth which blames him and convinces him of his faults.”