The Heart of the Godless
Despair by HamsAljofoon
A friend of mine googled my name and in his search he found a poem which was written by Dan Tocchini. When I read the poem, I really connected it with times of despair in my own life. I was deeply impacted by its content, yet I didn’t remember writing it. I thought this must be another Dan Tocchini. So, I forwarded the poem to my son (Dan Tocchini IV) and asked him if he knew anything about it. I informed him that it had won an online poetry contest and our name was on it.
He wrote back and confirmed he had written it in 2002 as an assignment for one of his classes and somebody entered it in an online contest.
The Heart of the Godless
Heaven is upon me and I am not ready. Wading in my inadequacies, I fondle with sin. I consort with lust and am comforted only by violence. My body aches in laziness. I am dripping with imperfection. Rooted in shallowness and wrought with lies, I am pathetic. The most subtle force will topple me over. I stand for nothing. Regret holds me hostage. My facade is fit, right and sane. But, I have no control. I despise my reflection. I am clothed in shame. Worse, I am lost and alone. I offer my mind as a playground for the wicked And, my body as their tool But even they refuse to lie with me. My silence shall become my eternal inheritance.
Hmmmm I certainly can relate daily with this poem. Just a few weeks ago at Mars Hill they talked about the beginners mind and the mind of a child……Thanks Dan for another reminder that our children hold so much more insight rather than knowledge. It is time for me to be inquisitive like the mind of child…open to my weakness finding strength!
Wow, this was deep and profound. I love it!!!!!
Wow, this poem is on point of how a person that does not know God feels inside. These are precisely the feelings God will free you from in your journey with him.
Good Bless those who seek him and those who don’t will receive prayer from us that do.
Gloria,
Perhaps you are familiar with Luke 18:10 – 14?
Luke 18:10.Two men went up into the temple to pray ; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. 11. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. 12. I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess. 13. And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying , God be merciful to me a sinner. 14. I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased ; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.
Aloha Mr. Tocchini – wow! This is such an awesome poem and I was touched by its cry. I too am all too familiar with the publicans prayer. God is merciful!
I look forward to meeting you at the BT training here in Hawai’i next week.
Much love – Kat
It’s interesting that Danny would call it the heart of the Godless.. i read my thoughts in his words and realized that overcome by my wretchedness i have made my need greater than any other reality and i cannot see God. This does not mean that He is not there or even busy “saving” me. Only that my self has blinded me from any other reality or options. How great is the despair if all i see is my sin… and yet this is a beautiful place because this is one of the few places that i can be Found by a compassionate loving God who is looking for me and is not afraid to access my darkness.
For God is Light and in him there is no Darkness at all, as we continue to dawn our garments of evasion may the beams of God’s perfect Love penetrate the fabric of our humanity. For our eternal Lover never sleeps, he pursues these fragile frail vessels as we roam the Earth looking to each other for hope and meaning . Yes our silence is our advisories weapon of choice. Dare we believe the one word from our lips would transport us to the shekinah* of our Lover’s peace?
* The glory or the radiance of god dwelling in the midst of his people. It denotes the immediate presents of god as opposed to god that is abstract or aloof.
~Michael Yoelin